on the regular

written at the Wooden Diamond Bed and Breakfast in Lake Benton last weekend...
I always hate coming back to something that I've neglected. it jabs a little when I realize that I've put off doing something that makes me happy, or feel good...like a run with the dog, or blogging about things I feel strongly about, or writing letters, or reading a book for pleasure...

so here I am. ready to think again.

things have been steady at our house, which is a very good thing. without going too much into detail, the summer has been a struggle in many ways. lots of stress from many different situations. how we've chosen to deal with said negativity leaves me proud, though. prayer is huge. so is just plain breathing. taking the time to work through emotions instead of neglecting their importance. reading literature that promotes growth in heart and soul. making new friends while letting some toxicity fall to the wayside. choosing to understand and reflect, instead of letting a reaction happen.

now things have changed up a bit. this morning I'm watching the way the wind picks up the lake, creating whitecaps that roll toward the shore. I'm listening to the rhythm of Charlie's sleepy breath, and musing over how we can be so different in that I can't bear to stay in bed once I'm awake, but he's happy to stay there all day. I'm thinking about how much fun Lydia must be having with her cousins, and how proud I am of her that she was a brave, strong, happy little girl throughout a summer of some tribulation. and I'm thinking about how much power our own thoughts, prayers, behaviors and actions truly have--where a word, a movement, a look, has the power to sway feelings and actions in others. before this summer I hadn't reflected on the way all of us wear our hearts so open and vulnerable, and how surrounding ourselves with people who motivate us and encourage us is so crucial in protecting our hearts. I think maybe I've tried to understand, but when it came to reflecting on my responsibilities in maintaining the health of my heart (and my partners'), everything came to a screeching halt.

to take care of others, we must...we must, we must! take care of ourselves first. it seems so selfish. to watch someone struggle, work, their heart breaking, their mind racing, and yet try to focus inward isn't common nature. in fact, it's quite possibly the worst feeling in the world... at first. then you realize that hey...I'm only responsible for my emotions. my reactions. my actions. my behaviors. my thoughts. my feelings. there's no way for any of us to be accountable for the hearts of others. it starts in us. asking ourselves the tough questions, facing our pasts, asking forgiveness, moving forward one day at a time. the changes come slowly, we are so hell-bent on making things more of a struggle than they need to be sometimes. but bit by bit the days get a little sunnier, conversations flow more easily, things that were a challenge at first become second nature.

change is tough, even if it's for the best.

and doing this without getting distracted! the enemy uses so many things--facebook, Pinterest, other people's situations that are way more intense, work, kids, and others to get in the way of learning and loving. fortunately we're finding we have so many people on our side...people who believe in love and the power of forgiveness. I find myself motivated by sunny people for so many reasons, namely because I feel that I have a lot to learn from those who take life by stride and believe in the good. I've unfollowed, unfriended, unbookmarked, unsubscribed, and untangled myself from people/pages/blogs that brought conflict to my soul. I'm learning to let go of things that remind me of negativity or keep me from who I want to be. decluttering my thoughts and actions. trying to get our house decluttered so we have room to move and breathe without feeling stifled--reading lots on how possessions, even keepsakes and whatnot, have a way of possessing us at times.

I hope that I'll be back with more musings on kid stuff, recipes, cleaning ideas, Pinterest projects, and heartfelt rants.  feels good to write again, here's to more sunshine in the days to come. :)

awesome summer day

today was a day that reminded me just how fine summer days can be.

we woke up late (ok, 7:30am might not seem late, but 5:30 every other day of the week is the norm here).
Lydia woke up shortly after, yelling, "I all done sleeping, mama! All done seepin!"
we had cornbread with homemade blueberry/rhubarb jam, and scrambled eggs with locally made goat cheese for breakfast, with a few cups of my mom's freshly roasted coffee. mmmmmmmm.

we dropped Lydia off at Charlie's folks in Lake Wilson, and went on to the farm where Charlie is employed. today I was going to help him with the cow and pig chores for a farmer friend, and man, we had a good time together.
first was getting the tractors out and running--two tractors to get the job of feeding the cattle done.
next we mixed feed in a wagon, making sure the ratios of protein, silage, and gluten were correct.
while the feed mixed we walked through the lots, checking the cows and calves...lots of warm bodies mooing and moving around.
then came filling the troughs with the feed--I was able to drive the tractor a bit, which was fun!

an interjection--nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me love Charlie more than watching him work. I don't know what it is, but seeing him effortlessly move through his routine, watching his muscles ripple as he works, manipulating heavy machinery, listening to his knowledge of the farm when I ask questions...all these things and more make me so proud to be his wife.  observing how he works is testament to how firmly he believes in putting his family first. how hot is that? ;)

after the cattle were fed, we checked on the lambs, then made our way to another farm to do pig chores. while Charlie was attending to the hogs I played with a couple of shy baby kitties (some help I am); there were a couple of dead hogs that needed to be brought out of the barn, then we were finished with the work for the morning.

we drove through some beautiful terrain on our way back to Lake Wilson. though I've lived in places that made the tears come daily for all the beauty that surrounded me, the prairie will forever be my home of choice and understanding. I know the land-- through my eyes, my husbands', our daughter's, our friends' and families'. I know the way the storms roll across the hills and plains, how people interact, how farms are spaced across sections, how pretty a grove of cottonwoods can look in the morning dew. I know the rhythms of the seasons, and every day learn something new that makes me appreciate living here that much more. I love riding in my husband's truck, listening to Eric Church (don't judge) and smiling with him as the grasses and fields fly by.

sipping on coffee and talking about our dreams of an acreage of our very own was the perfect way to end our morning together. so many dreams, so many roadblocks. those who are close to us know the struggles we're facing right now...just trying to put everything in the right perspective and prioritize accordingly in the face of the unknown.

when we got back to Charlie's folks' home, we came in to find our daughter happier than a pig in mud, elbow deep in a sink full of cool water, rinsing the first crop of sweet strawberries. her perfect little mouth was stained red with berry juice, smile beautiful with the happiness of helping her grandma in the garden.

we quickly decided that hunting asparagus was in order, so into the truck we went in search of the elusive delicacy. having found a great patch, we picked enough for supper and then some, then came home to lounge, grill, and hang out together in the sunshine. Gaylene baked a foccacia bread, which was delicious, and we enjoyed a wonderful family meal together later in the day.

days like this remind me so much of what I have wanted Lydia to grow up with--a sense of rhythm and purpose to her days, the pretty prairie stretching for miles around us, knowing where our food comes from...hopefully we'll soon live our dream too.

its GO time

those little moments.

we've had some big smiles, good laughs, and warm hugs around here lately.  my best friends in the world, Anne and Brynn, came to visit us this weekend and we spent some solid quality time together! amazing how refreshing and inspiring time with our friends can be. now that we finally have time and energy to add 'time with friends' to our list of utmost priorities, my heart has really become full with all the wonderful ways our buddies lift us up (and hopefully we lift them up too)! with conversations on love, marriage, health, fitness, Pinterest projects, pets, raising children, and more, we were completely affirmed in the ways that we're living life now, and we love how Anne and Brynn are living their lives too. proud to have such wonderful women in my life!

in other news, things are going well with our jobs and with raising little Lydia. she's such a big girl, surprising us every day with a new phrase, memory, or ability. we have our routine in the morning that we follow to a T every day: wake up, make coffee, snuggle together for the first cup, get dressed, wash face, brush teeth, brush hair, do our make up, and out the door we go for another day of work and daycare. same with evening: get home from daycare, Lydia plays while I make supper, eat, bath, books, potty, lullabye, bedtime. she's learning how to crack jokes, remembers stories (and makes them up), cooks and bakes with us, fishes like a pro, and snuggles in at the day's end to remind us she's still our baby.

too cool for school

the catfishers--Charlie, Lydia and Uncle Tom

my sweet prairie posie

4-wheeler rides around the block

throwing rocks in the lake with cousins

we told her she could have the front wheel for Christmas! haha

an Eastern Screech owl just outside our house!

mothering

mothering.
putting everything before yourself.
staying humble, because nothing is ever the same.
wearing your heart outside your body, every day.
being brought to tears by a flower, a hug, or the sight of a peacefully sleeping baby.
wondering if anything you do will make a difference.
wondering if everything you do will make a difference.
being gracious and grateful.
bringing to light your darkest fears.
bringing to light your greatest joys.
staying generous and remembering that the gift is in the giving.
recognizing yourself in the warm little person who loves you.
handling conflict with humor and class. but also remembering a little classlessness can be funny.
remembering that this too shall pass.
answering questions that may not have an answer.
asking questions to which you may not want the answer.
moving through days with a full mind and full heart.
being more patient than you ever thought possible.
nourishing body, mind and soul with good food and good love.

mothering.
one, or maybe even two, more books before bedtime.
sure, have another glass of chocolate milk.
no, you may not paint the cat.
oh, who am I kidding. here kitty kitty kitty!
clean up your room.
can you help me with the laundry?
go outside and play.
come in and take a bath, you're a mess!
get out of the bath, you're a prune!
one more hug, mama loves you so much.
mama, I gotta go potty!

Happy Mother's Day to the women in my life who have shown me grace and patience as I learn to mother Lydia. to the women who have taught me all of these things and more, I am beyond grateful for your love. 

feeding Lydia

"I can't get my kid to eat anything but junk food!"
"Somedays she'll eat a ton, then nothing for a few days...is that normal?"
"My kid ate my whole bag of kale chips."
"I'm exclusively breastfeeding, when should I start solids?"
"When can I start rice cereal? Do I have to?"
"I feel like my kid eats only peanut butter and bananas."

I hear it all at WIC. in our community. at the grocery store. anywhere there are little ones...
what do we feed our kids?

first off, I'm going to give a list of what Lydia ate/is eating at different stages of her life:
(all items in tables should be assumed eaten in following age stages as well as those listed)

0-4.5 months	4.5-6 months	6-12 months	12 months-present
Breastmilk	Breastmilk	Breastmilk	Breastmilk (til 20 months)
	Pizza Ranch Mashed Potatoes. Don't judge! :)	Green beans, spinach, celery (gummed it), broccoli, squash, zucchini, peppers, parsnips, turnips, rutabegas, potatoes, cucumbers (and pickles), pumpkin	Juice with breakfast, goats milk when my supply started dropping, and whole organic cow milk at 20 months, herbal tea
	Avocado	Eggs (yolk and whites), bison, chicken, beef, pork, catfish, panfish	Peanut butter toast, bowls of cereal
	Peaches, prunes, pears, applesauce, banana	Rice, couscous, hummus, beans, quinoa	Cheese-all varieties (favorite so far is goat cheese!), whole-fat yogurts
	Sweet potato, peas, carrots	Ground flax, wheat bran, baked goods (muffins, etc.)	Tacos/breakfast burritos/wraps, pizza, salads
	Rice cereal, oatmeal, mixed grain baby cereals	Cooked pasta, lentils	Dried fruit
		Tropical fruits (mango, papaya, pineapple), coconut and coconut milk	Nuts in baked goods, millet
		Sherbert and ice cream	Candy--loves peanut M&Ms
		Spices--cinnamon, etc.	Venison in any form
			Seafood--loves shrimp!

this isn't a perfect food schedule. the only thing pretty textbook about it is that Lyd breastfed exclusively for almost 5 months, and she continued to nurse in addition to solids til 20 months old.  otherwise feeding her was by the seat of our pants. we rarely followed the "try one and wait a week" method of trying new foods when she was an infant, mainly because we were so excited to feed her solids. side note--with subsequent children I will nurse exclusively much, much longer. starting solids after exclusive breastfeeding does begin the weaning process, no matter how you look at it.

now, the trained WIC breastfeeding counselor in me says, "foods before a year are for fun!" but the parent who has a very very eager and happy-to-try-anything-once baby begs to differ. one of the many cool things about breastfeeding is that babes get the flavors of what you eat through your milk, but in all of the foods listed above, check out the different textures, smells...so much for them to experience!

Feeding a toddler--now here is an experience. Lydia's been able to eat on her own since about 10 months old: scooping with a spoon, using a 'big girl' fork, cutting up soft things with a butter knife, spreading her own peanut butter or jam, pulling the end off a shrimp, drinking from a glass and eating ribs off the bone, etc. are all eating skills acquired in her short girlhood. Sometimes she'll go in jags, where she'll eat like a horse for three days, then literally nothing but water and fruit for one. Sometimes something she liked the day before is "yuckos!" today. There are many tried and true foods we know she'll eat, but we keep pushing the envelope and exposing her to new foods nonetheless.

Here are my family's guidelines for feeding a child at any age:
1. Nutrient-dense foods. A child should eat a rainbow of different foods in a day in order to ingest vital nutrients for optimal growth. We try to have something of each food group on her plate at every meal--good protein, veggies, fruit, and complex carbs. Hotdishes and other one-pot meals are great for this, which is why I love my crockpot so much. One favorite meal here is brown rice cooked in free-range organic chicken broth, with sweet potatoes and seasoned chicken thighs, steamed veggies or mashed cauliflower on the side, fruit salad, and milk. I will do a post later on our favorite family meals but this is just one example. We don't eat a lot of processed or non-nutritive food (think chips, crackers, jello, fruit snacks, etc.) here; obviously we're not exempt and she does get treats, but that's all they are--treats, with undefined guidelines as how to acquire them. Just by the grace of her parents ;)

2. As local and organic as possible. Farmers market. Local butcher. Wild game, preferably shot by Daddy. Buying local is smart economically, nutritionally, and environmentally. There are many reasons to buy organic foods. The USDA Organic label tells you that fruits and veggies weren't raised using manmade chemical pesticides, fossil fuel- or sewage-based fertilizers or genetically modified seeds. On meat, the label indicates that the feeds provided met those same standards, and that the animals weren't administered hormones and antibiotics. Bottom line: "Organic" is more sustainable and healthier -- for the environment and farm workers, certainly, and often for you and your family. How is organic healthier? It's healthier because some studies suggest that organic produce has more nutrients than its conventional counterparts, probably because the soil is left in better condition after repeated plantings, and healthier because you avoid ingesting any harmful pesticide residues left on conventional produce.

3. Enjoyable. Food should be fun! I make landscapes out of her food, cut sandwiches out with a cookie cutter, let her bake and cook with me, and we always try and sit together as a family to eat. We have picnics, go to potlucks, pancake breakfasts, restaurants, you name it. Making toddlers/children happy with food isn't too difficult. :)

There you have it--the ins and outs of feeding an almost-three year old. I'm excited to see what the future holds for us in terms of growing our own food and raising livestock, chickens, goats...There are so many aspects to a healthy lifestyle, and food is a massive part of what makes up our bodies, minds and hearts. Have fun!

kids in the kitchen

this may be a real shocker...
but I really. really. really. like to cook and bake.

it all started when I was but a wee Katie, tagging along behind my mom and dad in the kitchen. my mom with baking bread and buns, my dad with making pancakes, stuffed bell peppers, roasted chicken and potatoes...a large percentage of my upbringing was spent learning the ropes of making meals and goodies. Mom always let me stir in the yeast, and help her knead the dough (with a big spoonful of honey as a treat), and Dad taught to use my eye to watch for just enough bubbles on a pancake before flipping it. over the years, through high school and college, it became more of a hobby, then a controlled and happy obsession once we had a baby. Charlie and I both came to realize that what I was eating greatly affected her, both through breastfeeding and what kind of example we were setting for her as she grew.

baby trying celery..yum!

enter a Lydia who likes to eat good food, and we have a very fun and purposeful thing that we can do together.  cooking with a toddler in the kitchen sounds like a recipe for disaster (now there's a knee slapper!) but I actually enjoy it more than I thought possible. if you know me, you know that my patience level is somewhere between an angry velociraptor and nonexistent, so really...if it works for me, it can work for your kids too. cooking with Lydia is something I am grateful to do, namely because my capacity for putting out good meals for our family has increased tenfold with my career change. I now have time to make a menu, shop according to the ingredients needed, and cook a balanced meal for my family. plus more time for Pinterest and other sites for great recipes!

also--another post in the making because it's too incredible a subject to only give a paragraph--where our food comes from. Lydia's been such a lucky girl to tap maple trees for syrup, garden with her family, walk over in her jammies to the farmer's market across the street, eat food made with local ingredients at Grandma's cafe and our home.  teaching her that real, whole food comes from our hands and hard work instead of a Hamburger Helper box is a set of values we have always wanted to instill in her. another blogger highlighted Farmer Boy as an example of true connection to our food as both nourishment and love, and I strongly agree.

tapping trees with Mom and Dad

watering our weed patch garden

anyway.
so what does Lydia like to do when she's helping?
mostly stir and chop.
this kid know how to:
use a whisk
operate the Kitchen Aid
cut butter into flour with a fork
measure and pour liquid ingredients
measure dry ingredients (and to smooth flour over with a knife before dumping in)
scrape the extra batter out of the bowl
cut soft items with a knife--tiger claws, not duck bills, when we hold the food!

cooking holds so many lessons for children too--think of all the skills they develop while in the kitchen:
math skills--adding and subtracting, dividing batches, multiplying for bigger ones, measuring
names and shapes of ingredients
colors--we cook with a rainbow around here!
social grace--we make food for others, as a gift and offering of love
time together--because licking a beater with your mom is just awesome.

stirring the wet ingredients together

excited to get the baked deliciousness! -while eating extra chocolate chips-

nom nom noming on sweet potatoes