written at the Wooden Diamond Bed and Breakfast in Lake Benton last weekend...
I always hate coming back to something that I've neglected. it jabs a little when I realize that I've put off doing something that makes me happy, or feel good...like a run with the dog, or blogging about things I feel strongly about, or writing letters, or reading a book for pleasure...
so here I am. ready to think again.
things have been steady at our house, which is a very good thing. without going too much into detail, the summer has been a struggle in many ways. lots of stress from many different situations. how we've chosen to deal with said negativity leaves me proud, though. prayer is huge. so is just plain breathing. taking the time to work through emotions instead of neglecting their importance. reading literature that promotes growth in heart and soul. making new friends while letting some toxicity fall to the wayside. choosing to understand and reflect, instead of letting a reaction happen.
now things have changed up a bit. this morning I'm watching the way the wind picks up the lake, creating whitecaps that roll toward the shore. I'm listening to the rhythm of Charlie's sleepy breath, and musing over how we can be so different in that I can't bear to stay in bed once I'm awake, but he's happy to stay there all day. I'm thinking about how much fun Lydia must be having with her cousins, and how proud I am of her that she was a brave, strong, happy little girl throughout a summer of some tribulation. and I'm thinking about how much power our own thoughts, prayers, behaviors and actions truly have--where a word, a movement, a look, has the power to sway feelings and actions in others. before this summer I hadn't reflected on the way all of us wear our hearts so open and vulnerable, and how surrounding ourselves with people who motivate us and encourage us is so crucial in protecting our hearts. I think maybe I've tried to understand, but when it came to reflecting on my responsibilities in maintaining the health of my heart (and my partners'), everything came to a screeching halt.
to take care of others, we must...we must, we must! take care of ourselves first. it seems so selfish. to watch someone struggle, work, their heart breaking, their mind racing, and yet try to focus inward isn't common nature. in fact, it's quite possibly the worst feeling in the world... at first. then you realize that hey...I'm only responsible for my emotions. my reactions. my actions. my behaviors. my thoughts. my feelings. there's no way for any of us to be accountable for the hearts of others. it starts in us. asking ourselves the tough questions, facing our pasts, asking forgiveness, moving forward one day at a time. the changes come slowly, we are so hell-bent on making things more of a struggle than they need to be sometimes. but bit by bit the days get a little sunnier, conversations flow more easily, things that were a challenge at first become second nature.
change is tough, even if it's for the best.
and doing this without getting distracted! the enemy uses so many things--facebook, Pinterest, other people's situations that are way more intense, work, kids, and others to get in the way of learning and loving. fortunately we're finding we have so many people on our side...people who believe in love and the power of forgiveness. I find myself motivated by sunny people for so many reasons, namely because I feel that I have a lot to learn from those who take life by stride and believe in the good. I've unfollowed, unfriended, unbookmarked, unsubscribed, and untangled myself from people/pages/blogs that brought conflict to my soul. I'm learning to let go of things that remind me of negativity or keep me from who I want to be. decluttering my thoughts and actions. trying to get our house decluttered so we have room to move and breathe without feeling stifled--reading lots on how possessions, even keepsakes and whatnot, have a way of possessing us at times.
I hope that I'll be back with more musings on kid stuff, recipes, cleaning ideas, Pinterest projects, and heartfelt rants. feels good to write again, here's to more sunshine in the days to come. :)